What goes around, comes around. Stop me if you’ve heard that one before. However in many ways it’s true that sometimes you may not even realize or see coming. Be it vertically, horizontally, on an axis or perhaps even counter clockwise. Over and over ends up with what is old becomes new again. Yes, details certainly vary but consider the inevitable phases of life we go through be it by the day, week, year or decade.
Think about all of those movies made for kids but even as adults we secretly enjoy. OK, maybe sometimes not so secretly. One of the latest I saw was Soul and before that was Coco but watching Bambi at a young age certainly brought on some heavy duty thoughts and feelings about life and death. (And for good measure, here’s the Lion King’s Circle of Life. There are plenty more: Jungle Book, Up, Land Before Time, Finding Nemo, Charlotte’s Web, etc.. Hakuna Matata, am I right?)
If I start adding poetry, books and music, I would never finish this. I will use this lyric to sum it up spiritually and somewhat scientifically…
“We are stardust, we are golden, we are billion year old carbon,
And we got to get ourselves back to the garden.”
(Did you sing that in your head as you read it?)
It’s even easier for me to sit here typing this looking outside as leaves float to the ground that I will soon be raking as yet another fall is upon us. I am 51 years old and it is October of 2021. Like so many… more to the point… Like too many, all of the confusion, stress, struggle and despair from what is going on in the world pretty much leaves us spinning anyway. As I have been trying to focus on what I have in my power to help slow things down and simplify life as much as possible, I have found myself back in similar spots that I never knew I would.
Towards the end of 2019, I felt 2020 coming like a freight train. In my gut, I knew things were going to get bad and fast and with that it was still even worse than I expected. It really broke things down to what matters most and much of the fun in life was certainly tampered down. I work for an internet provider and in March of 2020 when the world was locked down and told to quarantine, my industry and position within the company became all the more vital. Anyone on the planet with a device that could get on the internet was all on the internet at once for the first time ever. We needed to expand our bandwidth as much as possible. That meant me going into the office and up until a couple of weeks ago, never took a real break. Physically showing up no matter what was going on as we had storms and protests and riots and oh yeah, that Covid thing requiring us to get our temperature checked before entering the building and then wearing masks throughout. It was a lot.
Before continuing, a huge thank you to the health care workers and other essential employees putting in the tough work. When I was sent credentials to post in the rear window of my car in case of a national emergency so that I could travel on the roads, that made it all the more serious to me. At least I work alone in my office but in a shared building. Thank you again to all who put themselves in harms way to help the rest of us.
So here we are a year and a half later and things were starting to come back around again. Unfortunately, my joy, my passion, and more disturbing to me was my fire seem to have all gone away. All areas of my life were impacted but watching my loved ones, friends and family struggle made it all the tougher. What I had done in the past was no longer working for me in terms of cheering me up. If I am to ever be of help for anyone, I need to be good first. Like instructions on the plane when you’re supposed to put the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting anyone else. That’s not to come off as selfish and you’ll have to trust me when I say that it means more to me to help others than to worry about myself.
Now that the universe essentially Marie Kondo’d everything, I needed to find things that sparked joy again. This was tougher than I thought. Watching late night talk shows without audiences helped. Seth Myers and I are best friends now. He just doesn’t know it yet. Little by little, I was getting there. Dove back into music and allowed Spotify to suggest things based on sharing info and trusting their algorithms (and stay tuned for my new band called Al Gore Rhythms) and then reading more, avoiding social media, spending quality time with friends and family and getting into watching movies again instead of streaming show after show. I would like to thank Taika Waititi for introducing me to this quote at the end of Jojo Rabbit…
An old standby for me had always been some form of exercise and over the last 25 years in particular, running was a huge part of that. (Should you care to read more of my babble, here is how I got started.) Preparing for races as a form of carrot in front of the mule approach really motivated me. Soon enough, I am meeting more and more people through running and it becomes a social aspect, too. With the fire all but out, running with any real purpose was not happening and I was certainly going through anxiety and depression in the spring for many reasons I won’t delve into but one that had been a long time coming was the death of my father and the impact that had on me.
Even though I am referencing circles, a triangle comes in play here. There are 3 things a fire needs to start. Oxygen, Fuel and Heat.
Remove one of those 3 and the fire dies. I would guess all 3 were removed from within me. Getting outside to walk the pup had me meeting more and more new people in the neighborhood. I guess that was enough oxygen to help get some running in again. Then my brother asked if I could help my 14 year old nephew with conditioning for football and to take him running. I made it a conversation with him trying not to be a bully about it and he still hated it but we got it done…
My other brother hears about this and asked why I didn’t invite his daughter? I set up another one at my mother’s house and this time my nephew Tyler and his cousin Kaylee show up along with her little sister Leah who didn’t want to be left out. Kaylee recently found out that if she broke an 8 minute timed mile at high school soccer tryouts that it would give her an advantage so she started training on her own. We go up to the high school and do some drills at the track and also run the bleachers before doing some 400s so she can feel the pace she needs. Tyler TOTALLY hated those and Leah hung in there finishing each lap with a huge smile on her face. Over the next few weeks, they were all working hard and getting a text from Leah telling me she did a whole mile in under 9 minutes and barely walked absolutely warmed my heart. Kaylee not only ends up breaking an 8 minute mile but she ran a 6:52 and was the first overall finisher at tryouts. The soccer coach informed her that she will be going out for track in the spring. It’s not a competition but I think I was prouder of her than her dad.
This is at the same time that large in person races started to happen again. First for me was the Philly 10k (6.2 miles) that’s only been around since 2014 but was started by a couple of ambassadors to the Philly Running world and I am so happy for them and hope this is around for years and years to come. In 2014 when I was very much on top of my running, I finished this race in 42:28. This year I almost did not show up as I was crippled with anxiety and nervous again for lots of reasons but made it to the start where things were surprisingly calm and then ran it in 42:09 (6:47 per mile.) Hmmmm… A few weeks later is the Philadelphia Distance Run Half Marathon. The race that started it all for me in 1997 that was a staple in the Philly running world before becoming a corporate mess after it was sold. But now the same group that started the Philly 10k was in charge of it. With no real training again, I show up and run a 1:31:19 (6:58 per mile) and my 51 year old legs were more than 30 minutes faster than my 27 year old ones.
Along the way I started putting myself back out there and met up with Achilles to do some guide running…
And also helped organize an event for the Fishtown Beer Runners after David asked for help finding safe venues to run to right as my good friend Greg asks if I could help set up an event for New Balance and it all works out great after Love City Brewing agrees to host it in their circus tent.
This is all leading up to the second Monday in October and the 125th running of the Boston Marathon but with a wonderful detour first. Almost 32 years to the day after my friend Stacey and I took a road trip to go camping in West Virginia, I get an invite from Liz to go camping with Colin and company in West Virginia again to do some class 5 white water rafting. I manage to make the necessary arrangements to get there and any of the hum drum feelings that had taken over were certainly washed away after 4 hours rafting on the Upper Gauley. Getting to the bar after putting my stuff away and meeting up with our crew and having them all yell, “HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR FACE?!?!?” and automatically thinking I had an open head wound or something but really they were talking about this…
Here is the full sequence of pictures…
And one more for good measure
I guess the fire is burning more than I realized after getting told I looked like a viking going into battle. Now the fuel ends up being the Boston Marathon 8 days later. In all honesty, the Boston Marathon may as well have been the moon landing. It was never going to happen for me but when I made it there in 2011, it felt like I made it to the Olympics. I was convinced I didn’t belong and would likely never be back let alone for this historic version of it.
The Boston Marathon on its own is already something that is not easily put into words. Reading what someone else has to say is never going to give the experience justice in the same way that any photo you ever see of the sunset at the Grand Canyon will ever be the same as being there for it. Story after story. Look at the last 10 years since my first. The horrific bombing incident and then Meb wins and then in 2018 in the Nor’Easter and Des wins and then last year was all virtual but now we’re all back. And, uhm… me included for the first time ever that the race was not happening in April.
I didn’t even make my travel arrangements until about 2 weeks prior because I was waiting for another postponement. This time I am going completely solo with no real plans other than being at my bus to take me to the start Monday morning. In 2011, I felt like a total outsider. In 2021, I know dozens of people up there and see them on the streets prior, in the bus line on the way up, during the race and then eventually after the race. It was such a crazy weekend in the running world because the Chicago Marathon was the day before as the Broad Street 10 Miler was happening in Philadelphia. Now all eyes on what is to me the best of the bunch.
When it comes to marathons and especially the training, I am all about details because those matter most. For this one, it was totally seat of the pants just like my first half marathon in 1997 where I just showed up and ran it. I ride the bus up with Brandon, who I saw in line and have known since roughly 1985 going to parties at his house like Farmer Ted in 16 Candles, and he was on his 97th Boston Marathon. It made the ride up so relaxed and easy and then we get to the start and I forgot it was essentially just go ahead and run whenever you want to. The starting gun for the elites had gone off 2 hours before so we literally could just walk up and go when we were ready. See…
It dawned on me on the way up that I was winging this so I chuckle to myself realizing that I am about to Leeroy Jenkins the freakin’ Boston Marathon. Having experience on this course matters so much. The first mile is totally downhill and gives the impression that you’re able to fly through the whole thing but in reality you are likely frying your legs for later on. I nailed my first mile and then settled in. The crowds were so amazing and fun. The race was going so fast and smooth on such a perfect Autumn day in New England.
Then the Newton hills start. Heartbreak Hill gets all of the headlines but it’s the culmination of hills at around miles 16 through 21. At mile 18, my legs were done and the 7:30 per mile pace I was holding was going away. The rest of the race was going to happen from scar tissue, memories, guts and grit. I didn’t hold back on screaming like that viking going into battle instead of letting the incredible pain take over. I asked for this and knew it was coming. I am more than happy with the 3:31:28 finish. I earned that medal.
It has been 2 weeks since I crossed that finish line and I still am soaking it in. According to my watch, I took 50,106 steps that day and I think I could tell you about each and everyone of them. I feel physically recovered and am walking like a normal human again. I have done some running but do wonder if I will ever get back on that course. If not, the time I have spent trodding along it following in the footsteps of greatness has humbled me and made me appreciate this world with new eyes. I feel fortunate to add this to the list of experiences to cherish and learn from preparing me for the next go round.
So here I am back at the start… I think? Of what? To where? Why? How? At least I know there is still a flame to fan when I need it to get brighter. I am hopeful that things are turning toward the better and not just for me. I am wiser and looking forward to the next phase. I think I am good and ready to be of use to this world again. An old Irish toast I like to give goes something like this, “May today be the best day of your life and may all of your tomorrows be even better.”
Winter is around the corner but there is enough heat to get me through it. My fuel will be to get ready for a few races in the not too far off future and the oxygen will come from friends, family and this goofy pup…
Another quote that tends to go around inside my head is from good ol’ Benjamin…
I will keep trying to catch it but will also keep an eye out to see if happiness is already here. Instead of attempting to make things more serious, and I am not that deep so don’t go diving head first into my nonsense, let’s let music take over again to wrap this up. Initially I was thinking of Annie and the “Sun will come out tomorrow” but I think this one is a little more on the nose…
Of course the name of the band is Dead or Alive. Try not to get too dizzy, too high or too low.
Be safe. Be kind. Be well. Just remember to be.
G.R.I.T. 